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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26474629">I Love You More Than I Can Say</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/trixyabitch/pseuds/trixyabitch'>trixyabitch</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>RuPaul's Drag Race RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Friends to Lovers, Light BDSM, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Slow Burn, Smut, UNHhhh, katya is in love with trixie, there might be smut eventually idk, trixie and katya eventually start dating, trixie is in a relationship, written while fueled by iced coffee raw homosexual power and david bowie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:34:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,190</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26474629</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/trixyabitch/pseuds/trixyabitch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Katya is in love with her co-star and best friend Trixie, but there's no way Katya can tell her that. Right?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Trixie Mattel/Katya Zamolodchikova, Trixie Mattel/Other(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>43</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. ☆Chapter 1☆</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>so i'm gonna attempt to write a slow burn chaptered fic, but i've never really done anything like this, so idk what to tell you to expect lol. anyways, i hope you enjoy!</p>
<p>also: drag names and female pronouns used, but both are biologically male in this fic</p>
<p>DISCLAIMER:<br/>This work is completely fictional, and should not be associated with or shown to any people mentioned or others related to or associated with those mentioned.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>***</p>
<p>Katya had always been Trixie's best friend, and Trixie had always been hers. Trixie had even written a song for Katya when she took a break from drag. Now that Katya was back and better than ever, she was realizing that her feelings were far more than platonic, and that they always had been. But there was a problem, a problem that had been there for three years: David.</p>
<p>David was Trixie's boyfriend of three years, and Trixie loved him more than anything. And Katya hated that. She hated not being the only one in this beautiful, wonderful person's focus. She hated that even after all the time she had spent with Trixie, she had never been able to tell Katya's true feelings, and most of all, she hated that she knew her obsession wasn't going away any time soon. She knew that it was wrong for her to be so head-over-heels for her best friend, but she didn't care. Trixie was stunning, even if she didn't think so herself. Trixie was intelligent, clever, and hilarious. This made it that much harder for Katya to put her absolute adoration for Trixie out of her head.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>On Katya's time off, she loved to watch old videos of her and Trixie. They reminded her of how amazing their relationship really was, and it was so amazing to watch their personalities, humor, and styles grow. But most of all, she got to see when Trixie adored her as much as Katya adores her now. At least it seemed like she adored Katya. But she could never really tell, and it drove her crazy. Nevertheless, this was how she ended up bawling her eyes out at 8:43 PM on a Thursday night. She had decided to watch a playlist on YouTube called "trixya vibes 😍" to humor herself, and ended up bawling her eyes out because she saw the affection she had blatantly shown Trixie, the affection Trixie returned, the affection that nothing had ever come out of. She doesn't know why she can't just forget she ever loved Trixie at all, forget that she had ever had feelings for her, but she can't. She loves Trixie more than she can put into words, and she knows she won't ever put it into words. If she wants to keep their relationship alive, she knows she never can.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The next day during filming for UNHhhh, Katya keeps giving Trixie what she thinks are subtle looks, but Trixie has noticed every single one them. "What are you looking at bitch?" Trixie yells. Katya quickly averts her eyes and mutters, "Nothing, nothing." She feels blush rise to her cheeks, and swallows down her embarassment. Trixie screams out her bird laugh, and Katya feels a small grin playing its way onto her face, but she still feels uncomfortable and embarassed. She loves being around Trixie, but this situation makes her wonder if her feelings have been exposed, but Trixie moves on and starts chattering away about something else. Katya sighs with relief and grins. For now, Trixie hasn't realized, and Katya will be ok.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>"Hey, Katya, you doing ok?" Trixie asks. "You look upset." Katya is upset, but not for any reason Trixie would ever guess. Katya's overwhelmed with emotions, overwhelmed with the adoration she feels for Trixie, and mostly overwhelmed with the fact that she knows she probably can't ever and won't ever tell Trixie. "I'm fine." Katya says with a blank expression. "Are you sure?" Trixie asks. Katya opens her mouth and closes it again. She doesn't know what she can say to Trixie that won't tear down their friendship immediately. She begins to tear up, and wipes her eyes to keep the tears from pouring over. Katya thought the action was subtle, but Trixie has learned to pick up on the small things that Katya does to hide her emotions. "Katya..." Trixie begins. Katya raises her hand to keep Trixie from continuing to talk, and the tears finally pour over. Katya swore that this wouldn't happen, she swore that she would shove her feelings deep down inside of her until she no longer felt this way towards Trixie. She doesn't know if she's ready to tell Trixie how she feels, but she can't hold in her feelings anymore. Katya can't keep doing this.</p>
<p>"Trixie, I love you." Katya says.</p>
<p>"Katya, I love you too. You know this."</p>
<p>"No, Trixie, you don't understand. I love you."</p>
<p>Trixie sits in a stunned silence, and after several minutes, she stands up without a word and leaves the room. Katya doesn't follow. She knows Trixie needs her space, and Katya is trying to process what she just let happen. She swore this wouldn't happen. She swore she wouldn't ruin their friendship, and she's sure that this is what's just happened.</p>
<p>Katya is sure that her friendship is over.</p>
<p>***</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. ☆Chapter 2☆</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>trixie and katya talk about things and the slow burn gets a little bit warmer...;)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>so i'm uploading early because i no longer understand the concept of time (i'm sure you understand) <br/>anyways, here's chapter 2, enjoy!</p>
<p>DISCLAIMER: This work is completely fictional, and should not be associated with or shown to any people mentioned or others related to or associated with those mentioned.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>***</p>
<p><em>Fuck,</em> Katya thinks. She has well and truly fucked up her relationship with Trixie. She swore that she would never admit her feelings to Trixie, and that's exactly what just happened. After Trixie left the room, Katya broke down into tears with the realization of what just happened, what she had just done. Trixie is in a <em> relationship,</em> and even if she wasn't there was no way in hell that she would want to date Katya. Trixie would never even be attracted to Katya, so why is Katya still completely and utterly in love with Trixie? Why can't she just shake away her feelings and forget that she ever even thought of Trixie as more than a friend?</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>An hour later, Katya is still sitting in the same chair in the same position as she was an hour ago, except now, she's not bawling her eyes out. She knows she can't sit there forever, so she forces herself to stand and walk out of the room. Trixie is gone, thank god, but part of Katya hoped that she would still be there waiting for her. All of a sudden, Katya stops dead in her tracks. She and Trixie are supposed to perform together tomorrow. There's no way Katya will be able to manage the show, but she can't cancel last minute. She decides that she will go, and if Trixie cancels, then she will perform by herself. She lets her fans see a significant amount of her personal life, but she can't let them see this, how broken she is over feelings she hates that she has.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The next day, Trixie hasn't cancelled, so as Katya gets ready, she silently braces herself for the difficult conversation that is sure to come. When she arrives at the club, she walks backstage and looks around. Trixie is nowhere to be seen. Katya lets out a breath she didn't know she had been holding and turns around to set down her things. When she turns around again, she sees Trixie walking through the door. Her heart drops, and all of a sudden Katya isn't sure if she should have made the choice to perform today. Trixie silently walks over to Katya and places her things next to Katya's. Katya feels her heart speed up, and she's braced herself for the conversation she's sure is about to happen, but Trixie walks away without a glance in Katya's direction. Katya feels relief and devastation all at the same time. She managed to avoid talking with Trixie, but is that necessarily a good thing?</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Trixie and Katya go the entire performance without speaking to each other once, and luckily, nobody seems to notice. As soon as the performance is over, Katya grabs her things and leaves. She doesn't think she can hold it together if she's in a room with Trixie for any longer. She doesn't even remove her makeup, but the strange look she gets from the Uber driver is a minor inconvenience. She barely manages to make into her apartment and shut the door before the tears pour out of her again. She can't live like this anymore. Trixie is her best friend in the entire world, and Katya can't stand the fact that they haven't even spoken in a full day. She needs to fix this. She pulls out her phone and taps on Trixie's name in her contacts. She pulls up their texts and types out a message.</p>
<p>russian hooker:we need to talk</p>
<p>Trixie's reply is almost instant. Katya's heart sinks when she reads it.</p>
<p>tracy martel:do we?</p>
<p>russian hooker:please trixie, just come to my place</p>
<p>tracy martel:fine.</p>
<p>Katya's heart flutters with excitement before she realizes that not only is she still wearing makeup, but her apartment is a mess. She quickly becomes a flurry of activity, tidying up and making herself presentable. 30 minutes later, she hears a knock on the door. She walks over and takes a deep breath before slowly opening the door. Trixie is standing outside, and even though Katya is sure Trixie hates her guts right now, she still thinks she looks absolutely amazing. She glances at Trixie's face, and while it isn't very evident, Katya thinks Trixie has been crying recently.</p>
<p>Katya steps away from the doorway to let Trixie in, and almost hesitantly, Trixie walks inside. She looks everywhere except Katya's face, unsure if she can handle the pain that she is sure will be in her eyes. Katya sits down on her couch, and Trixie sits on the other end. Katya stares at Trixie, who is still avoiding looking Katya in the eyes. Finally, Trixie looks up and faces Katya. Trixie can tell that Katya has also been crying recently, and the thought of causing one of her favorite people in the world pain brings her to the verge of tears again. A million thoughts run through both Trixie and Katya's mind, and neither of them know how to verbalize what they are thinking.</p>
<p>"Hi." Katya says, so quietly Trixie almost isn't sure she said it.</p>
<p>"Hey." Trixie says, fighting the urge to look away from Katya. She knows why Katya asked her to come to her apartment, but Trixie doesn't know how she'll make it through the conversation without breaking down when she can already feel tears welling up in her eyes. "You looked good tonight." Trixie says, trying to avoid the topic she knows Katya brought her here to talk about.</p>
<p>"You did too." Katya replies. She doesn't know how to approach what she's thinking without shredding her friendship more than she already has. "Are we okay?"</p>
<p>"I don't know Katya. I don't know what to tell you, I don't know what you want me to say, I don't even know why you said what you said, but I do know that whatever you've been fantasizing about can't happen. I've been hurt too many times by people who have told me the exact same thing you did to think that that would be healthy. And speaking of healthy relationships, <strong>I've been in one for 3 years.</strong> I don't understand what you were thinking, but..." Trixie is cut off by the sound of Katya crying, and all too suddenly, she realizes the words that have just come out of her mouth. Before her brain fully understands what's happening, Trixie is leaning on Katya, telling her that their relationship is fine, apologizing for lashing out at her.</p>
<p>Katya pulls Trixie into a tight hug, and they stay locked together for a long time. When Katya pulls away, she looks Trixie in the eyes. She might be hallucinating, but she's 99% sure she saw Trixie's eyes flick to her lips for a fraction of a second before meeting her eyes again. They stare into each other's eyes, and this time, it's Katya's eyes flicking away to glimpse at Trixie's lips. When she looks up, she leans in slightly, just enough that Trixie barely notices, isn't even sure it happened. Trixie leans in as well, and when she stops, she stares into Katya's eyes again. Then Katya leans in again. Only this time, she doesn't stop.</p>
<p>Katya pulls Trixie into a deep kiss, one that she's sure Trixie will pull away from immediately. Except she doesn't. Trixie is stunned at first, but she finds herself leaning deeper into the kiss, and when Katya's tongue swipes over her lip, she makes no move to stop her. <em>Damn it,</em> Trixie thinks. <em>How did I let this happen?</em></p>
<p>***</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks for reading, i hope you enjoyed! as always, i love feedback and suggestions, so feel free to comment below! (also, should i write the next chapter from trixie's perspective, or keep writing from katya's pov?)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. ☆Chapter 3☆</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>we see the past chapters' events from trixie's pov, and the story develops a little further.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ok, so this chapter is from trixie's pov, so we can see more into her thoughts and feelings.</p><p>DISCLAIMER:<br/>This work is completely fictional, and should not be associated with or shown to any people mentioned or others related to or associated with those mentioned.</p><p>enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>***</p><p>Trixie had always been there for Katya, whether she was struggling with mental health, or a couple of years ago when she had a meth relapse. It didn't matter where, when, how, or why, Trixie had always and would always be there for Katya. So why was it that when Katya confessed she had feelings for her, she felt the sudden need to get as far away from Katya as she could? Why couldn't she have stayed and had a conversation with Katya, you know, like normal people do? But that was the thing. Trixie and Katya weren't normal. They never had been. So when the words, "I love you." come out of Katya's mouth, all Trixie can think to do is sit in silence, then stand up and leave. She sits in the hallway for half an hour before realizing that she and Katya are performing together tomorrow. Because of course they are. She worries over the thought for approximately 5 seconds before deciding that Katya didn't control her life, she did. She wasn't letting Katya ruin her work all because of three words. With that, she calls an Uber and goes home. Thankfully, she doesn't encounter Katya again that night.</p><p>***</p><p>***</p><p>The next day, when Trixie walks into the club, she doesn't see Katya, but Katya hasn't cancelled as far as she knows, so she might be backstage. When Trixie walks backstage, she sees that this is exactly the case. Katya is bent over putting her things down, and when she turns around Trixie averts her eyes, but she can still feel Katya's eyes on her. Trixie walks over to Katya and places her things next to hers. She considers having a conversation with Katya, but instead she walks away and gets ready in silence. The rest of the evening goes on in silence, and Trixie almost wishes that Katya would snap out of it and talk to her, but another part of her doesn't know whether she would be able to handle it. At the end of the evening, Trixie quickly removes her makeup and calls an Uber. Has she made a mistake by not speaking to Katya for a full day?</p><p>***</p><p>***</p><p>When Trixie arrives at her home, she barely makes it inside the door before dropping down to the ground and bawling her eyes out. She hates that she knows that Katya is probably doing the same thing right now because of her, she hates that a part of her deep down knows that she has feelings for Katya too, and she hates that she hasn't realized this until right now.</p><p>Suddenly, her phone breaks the deafening silence by chiming out with a text notification. Trixie slowly pulls her phone out of her pocket, moving faster when she sees who the text is from.</p><p>russian hooker: we need to talk</p><p>Trixie wants to talk to Katya, but she knows she'll probably break down halfway throughout whatever conversation they end up having. She responds within seconds.</p><p>tracy martel: do we?</p><p>Trixie knows her response was harsh, but she can't stand the idea of breaking down in front of Katya and possibly admitting her feelings that she's not even sure of. Hell, Trixie has a boyfriend! Why was it even a question of whether she could be in a relationship in Katya? But Trixie couldn't push away the thoughts of <em>What if?</em></p><p>Katya's reply comes soon after Trixie sent her text, and it's practically begging.</p><p>russian hooker: please trixie, just come to my place</p><p>Trixie's response is one word, but she feels that it perfectly encapsulates her current mood about the situation.</p><p>tracy martel: fine.</p><p>***</p><p>***</p><p>Trixie takes an Uber to Katya's house, and the entire time, her stomach is doing backflips. Is this the right decision? What's happened to her life? How did she let this situation happen?</p><p>When Trixie arrives at Katya's apartment, she pauses in front of the door and takes a deep breath. She finally brings herself to knock on the door, and after a moment, Katya opens the door. Trixie keeps herself from looking directly at Katya because she knows that she can't stand to look at the pain she's caused. She hesitantly walks in, still averting her eyes. Katya sits on her couch, and Trixie sits on the opposite end. After a few moments, Trixie brings herself to look at Katya, and immediately, she can tell that Katya has been crying recently too. She feels her eyes welling up with tears already, but she forces down her emotions, she refuses to let herself cry when she's been here for less than 5 minutes. A million thoughts are running through Trixie's mind all at once, and while she knows why she's there, she doesn't know how to verbalise any of her thoughts.</p><p>Katya breaks the silence with an almost non-existent, "Hi."</p><p>"Hey" Trixie responds. She immediately begins overthinking the one word statement, but she knows she has to keep the conversation going, or the silence will become overwhelming within moments. Carefully skirting around the topic she knows Katya wants to talk about, she quietly says, "You looked good tonight."</p><p>"You did too." Katya responds. Trixie doesn't know what Katya's going to say next, and she can feel her anxiety building in her. "Are we okay?" Katya asks, and Trixie feels herself go into a spiral. Everything she's felt for the past day is about to come pouring out of her, whether she wants it to or not.</p><p>"I don't know Katya. I don't know what to tell you, I don't know what you want me to say, I don't even know why you said what you said, but I do know that whatever you've been fantasizing about can't happen. I've been hurt too many times by people who told me the exact same thing you did to think that that would be healthy. And speaking of healthy relationships, <strong>I've been in one for 3 years.</strong> I don't understand what you were thinking, but..." All of a sudden, Trixie hears Katya crying, and she realizes the weight of the words that have just left her mouth. She doesn't even know when she moves, but the next thing she knows, she's on Katya promising that their relationship is fine, apologizing for lashing out at her.</p><p>Katya pulls Trixie into a tight hug, and she feels comfortable in Katya's arms. When they pull away, Trixie's eyes involuntarily flick to Katya's lips. She curses in her head and prays that Katya didn't notice. She meets Katya's eyes, and she might be going crazy, but she swears she saw her eyes flick to her lips for less than a fraction of a second. Katya leans towards Trixie, just enough that Trixie notices, but barely even that much. Before Trixie's brain catches up with what she's doing, she's leaning in too, just barely more than Katya did. Katya almost misses the slight movement, but when she does, she begins leaning in. This time, she has no intention of stopping. She catches Trixie's lips in a deep, passionate kiss. Trixie is in shock for a brief moment, but she doesn't pull away. And when she feels Katya's tongue swipe over her lip, she does nothing to stop her. <em>Damn it,</em> Trixie thinks. <em>How did I let this happen? How did I let myself do this?</em></p><p>A million thoughts race through Trixie's mind, and while she's loving the kiss more than any kiss before, she knows this can't go unspoken about. She gently pulls away, and quickly turns her head, trying to hide her face and thoughts from Katya. Katya gently turns Trixie's face towards her and presses her lips against her forehead. She lingers for a moment, not knowing what's next. Trixie presses her forehead against Katya's, wishing they could stay like this for eternity. She knows, however, that need to really and truly talk about how they feel about each other.</p><p>"I love you too Katya." It's simple, but it says more than Trixie can. It says that their feelings are mutual, it says that Trixie and David are done, and it says, most importantly, that Trixie and Katya are going to start having to hide a lot more about their lives. Nobody can know about this yet, and Trixie and Katya know this. But right now, in this moment, both of them know it'll all be worth it eventually.</p><p>***</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ok, so this might be terrible, idk. its 2 am and im exhausted, but i really wanted to finish this chapter, soooo...<br/>anyways, i hope you enjoyed! as always, comment suggestions and advice below!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. ☆Chapter 4☆</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>trixie ends things with david, and she and katya share some intimate moments together ;)</p><p>this chapter is from trixie's pov, but if you guys want the next one can be from katya's</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ok, so i disappeared off the internet because i was rearranging my room for the third time in two months and i was being gay and doing crime, as all responsible gays should. anyways, here's chapter 4, enjoy!</p><p>DISCLAIMER: This work is completely fictional, and should not be associated with or shown to any people mentioned or others related to or associated with those mentioned.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>***</p><p>Trixie spent the rest of the night at Katya's place. They slept next to each other like they had been together for months, as opposed to the less than 2 hours they had been. It felt natural between them, felt like they had been doing this forever. They drifted off within minutes of each other, neither of them knowing what was next for them, and neither of them caring.</p><p>When Trixie awoke in the morning, she blinked her eyes several times before remembering where she was and everything that had happened the night before. She moved to leave the bed, trying to move carefully slowly so as not to wake Katya. Katya's eyes gently fluttered open anyways, and Trixie cursed herself for stirring Katya from her peaceful sleep. But Katya didn't seem angry or upset. In fact, a grin appeared on her lips when she saw Trixie and recalled the previous night's events. She stood from the bed and walked around so she was right in front of Trixie. She gently leaned in and caught Trixie's lips in a kiss. It was slow and passionate, each of them pouring their hearts into it. Trixie suddenly froze with a realization. Katya immediately realizes and pulls away.</p><p>"What's wrong baby?" Katya asks, concern in her voice.</p><p>"I never broke up with David."</p><p>Trixie immediately notices Katya's change in emotion and clarifies. "I still want to be with you, don't worry, but I need to end things with David first. I can't lead him on."</p><p>Katya's heart soars, but she also knows that this can't be easy for Trixie. Trixie's been dating David for 3 years now, almost 4, and ending that out of nowhere can't be easy. But if it means that she and Trixie can finally be together, she's ready to jump into it headfirst. She's ready to support Trixie through everything as long as she doesn't have to shove her feelings down anymore.</p><p>***</p><p>***</p><p>Trixie texts David later that day saying that they should meet up for coffee. She spends the whole day thinking about what she's going to say, how she's going to say it, and how she's going to keep Katya's name out of the conversation. Trixie doesn't know what David would do if he found out that Trixie was breaking up with him to date Katya, but she figures it probably wouldn't be anything good. <em>Breathe,</em> Trixie reminds herself. No matter what she does, this conversation won't be an easy one. All she can do now is wait.</p><p>***</p><p>***</p><p>When Trixie walks into the coffee shop, she sees David sitting in a booth waiting for her. David looks up and sees Trixie walking through the door, a smile breaking out across his face. Trixie is nervous, not sure if she's ready to do this. <em>You can do this,</em> Trixie thinks. She lets out a deep exhale and wraps David in a tight hug. She sits down and gazes out the window, not sure if she can look David in the eyes.</p><p>"What did you want to talk about babe?" David asks, concern in his voice.</p><p>Trixie's mind skips over everything she wanted to say, and her mouth hangs open, unable to find the words she needs. She should just say it and get it over with, but she can't. It's not like she doesn't love David anymore, but her love for him seems small when compared to the love she feels for Katya.</p><p>"I... I can't be with you anymore David. I think you're an amazing person, and I really hope we can stay friends, but I just can't do this anymore. I'm sorry."</p><p>"Trixie..."</p><p>"I love you David, I really do, but I don't know if I'm in love with you anymore. Like I said, I think you're an amazing person, but I can't be with you anymore."</p><p>In a soft voice, David responds, "I love you too Trixie. But if you don't think this is working anymore, then I respect that." He smiles sadly and gets up to leave. Trixie stands up too and wraps him in another hug.</p><p>"I'm sorry David, I really am. But please don't feel like I hate you, I promise I don't, it's just-"</p><p>"It's okay Trixie, I swear. Just... I need some time." He smiles at her again and walks away. Trixie's mind is left reeling, not knowing if the conversation went well or not. She slowly walks out the door and begins walking towards Katya's apartment. She almost walks into several people, completely unfocused and consumed by her thoughts. When she reaches the door of Katya's place, she turns the knob and announces that she's back. Katya walks around the corner hesitantly, not sure how to ask Trixie how the conversation went. Trixie senses this, and answers the question that hasn't even been asked yet.</p><p>"It went well... I think. He seemed really quiet and hesitant, so I'm not really sure how he was processing everything. But for the most part, he seemed okay with it."</p><p>"What did you tell him? If you don't mind saying, of course."</p><p>"I just told him the truth. I told him that I still think he's a great person, and that I hope we can be friends, but I just couldn't be in a relationship with him anymore."</p><p>Katya feels immense relief in her heart. David seemed okay with the relationship ending, at least for now. And more importantly, Trixie was home, and Trixie was all Katya's now. Katya all but leaps onto Trixie, kissing her deeply. Trixie is startled by the sudden advance, but she quickly leans in and deepens the kiss. Katya's tongue presses at Trixie's lips, but Trixie pulls away. Katya looks at her in confusion, wondering why she broke off their intimate moment.</p><p>"Do you think you're in charge here?" Trixie asks, suddenly overcome with a wave of need to take charge.</p><p>Before Katya can come up with a coherent response, Trixie is kissing her again, this time more roughly. She pulls away and drags Katya to the bedroom and all but throws her onto the bed. Both Trixie and Katya can feel their arousal grow by the second, each of them ready for the other. Trixie straddles Katya and grins.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry about the cliffhanger (im not that sorry, it keeps everybody in suspense 😈)</p><p>anyways, get ready for smut in the next chapter, and as always comment advice, suggestions, or requests below!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. ☆Chapter 5☆</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>smutty smut smut smut smut</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>well... two months later and here i am! sorry to have left you guys waiting for so long but my life has been a literal fucking roller coaster for the past two months. but at least biden won the election and i as a gay person will have rights next year! so... yay? idk haha</p><p>DISCLAIMER: This work is completely fictional, and should not be associated with or shown to any people mentioned or others related to or associated with those mentioned.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Trixie straddles Katya and grins. Her mind is foggy with lust as she retrieves lube and a condom from the nightstand. She can hardly believe what she's about to do, especially considering she had just broken up with her boyfriend less than an hour ago. But it just felt <em>right</em>. They had been together officially for less than an hour, but everything they did together, every move they made, it all felt as if it was exactly as the universe intended.</p><p>As Trixie yanks her shirt and shorts off, she exhales and tries to wrap her head around it all. But she doesn't have a second to hesitate before Katya is on her, yanking her underwear off and tearing open the condom wrapper. Trixie takes the condom out of Katya's hand and rolls it over her dick. She pops open the lube bottle and squirts some lube into her hand. She spreads it along the length of her dick and rubs the excess on Katya's asshole. Katya moans at the slight contact, unable to hold it in any longer. Trixie grins again.</p><p>"You like that baby? You ready for daddy?" Trixie asks, not sure where this sudden surge of dominance came from. Katya moans in response. Trixie slaps her ass and she exclaims. "Yes daddy or no daddy. Understand?"</p><p>"Yes daddy," Katya moans out, beyond aroused by this.</p><p>"Good," Trixie says as she slowly pushes into Katya. They both moan loudly, and Katya feels like she could come in two seconds. Trixie slowly begins thrusting inside of Katya. Katya all but yells when she moans again. She can hardly even speak because of the pleasure washing over her.</p><p>"Fuck Trix, you feel so good," Katya chokes out. Trixie suddenly stops moving. Katya whines and exclaims, "Why did you stop?"</p><p>"I told you, you address me as daddy. Not as Trixie, or Trix or anything else. Daddy, got it?"</p><p>"Yes daddy, I promise I won't mess up again," Katya stammers out. Despite the lack of movement, she's still incredibly turned on, and Trixie knows it too.</p><p>"Good girl. I won't be reminding you again," Trixie says as she begins to thrust inside of Katya again. She starts off slow, but begins thrusting harder and faster to appease to the burning sensation in her core. She knows she's close.</p><p>"Katya, I'm so close," Trixie moans out. "But I can't come until you do. I need to feel you coming around me, Katya please..." Trixie's sentence trails off as her arousal takes over, but thankfully, Katya seems to have gotten the message. She chokes out a moan as she comes, her load dripping from her cock. Trixie follows quickly, the tensing of Katya's muscles bringing her over the edge. They both moan as they come down from their high, both still in shock and disbelief at what just happened. Trixie pulls out of Katya and takes off the condom, tying it off and throwing it away. They both flop down on the bed and move close to each other. They quickly doze off without a word from either of them. It all still felt right.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hope yall enjoyed! comment suggestions and request below!</p><p> </p><p>btw, black lives matter is still a thing! speak out on issues that are important to you and to others to help create necessary change.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. ☆Chapter 6☆</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>tracy and the russian whore decide to tell the world their secret</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>soooo... it's been a while. in the time i was gone, i made up with someone i haven't spoken with in two years, fell in love with my best friend, and began teaching myself spanish. also, rioters literally fucking stormed the capitol, but also trump got banned from pretty much every social media platform in existence. anyways, it's been a wild fucking ride, but i hope you enjoy!</p><p>DISCLAIMER: This work is completely fictional, and should not be associated with or shown to any people mentioned or others related to or associated with those mentioned.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's been 3 months since Trixie and Katya began dating. Trixie moves into Katya's apartment so they can be together more often. As time goes on, it becomes more and more clear how in love the two of them are. They can hardly even wait to be done filming UNHhhh so they can go home and be intimate with each other. But both of them can tell that their fans are getting suspicious. Despite how well they think they're hiding it, there's been a clear change in energy between the two. Neither of them want to address it, but it's becoming clear that if they don't, things will spiral out of control.</p><p>One day, Trixie finally brings up the topic of telling their fans what's going on between the two of them.</p><p>"Katya, can we talk baby?" Katya slowly paces over to where Trixie sits on their couch. She looks nervous, like she thinks Trixie's going to slap her.</p><p>"Don't worry, I'm not gonna attack you or anything," Trixie laughs. That seems to ease Katya slightly. "I just thought we needed to do something about our fans. If we keep our relationship from them, they might find out from some other random person on the internet. But if we tell them now, we do it on our own terms, at our own pace.</p><p>Katya thinks about what Trixie said for a moment. "Are you ready to tell them?" Katya questions. "I think I can do it, but I need you by my side."</p><p>"I'm ready," Trixie grins.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>short chapter ik but i promise there's a longer chapter coming next. i'm really struggling to write rn but i wanted to give yall something.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. ☆Chapter 7☆</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Trixie and Katya announce their relationship to the world and get intimate with each other ;)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey guys! so here's the longer chapter i promised, as well as some... fun elements ;) (smuttt)</p><p>DISCLAIMER: This work is completely fictional, and should not be associated with or shown to any people mentioned or others related to or associated with those mentioned.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Two days later, Trixie uploads their announcement video to YouTube. She edited the whole thing herself, because even her editors don't know yet. She had titled it, "KATYA KILLS TRIXIE ON CAMERA (NOT CLICKBAIT!)!!!!" She had laughed while picking the title, but now her stomach was doing back-flips. Seconds later, the views started pouring in.</p><p>The video was hardly even a minute long. It began with Trixie and Katya both doing a crazy dance and Katya slamming the clapper shut. As usual, Trixie screamed as soon as the clapper made any noise. After the intro had played through, there was an awkward couple of seconds where both Trixie and Katya stared at each other before bursting out laughing. There was a jump cut to a new clip in the middle of Trixie's bird laugh.</p><p>Trixie grinned at the camera, and then at Katya. "Should we tell them?" she asked, trying to stretch out the suspense as long as she could.</p><p>"I don't know..." Katya responded, with an almost manic smile on her face.</p><p>"I guess we probably should, huh?" Trixie said in fake thought. "Well guys... you caught us! We're in a relationship! Yes, you heard that right, Tracy Martel and the smoking Russian whore are dating!" The two leaned in to kiss, and before the video ended, it cut to a clip of Trixie saying, "And no, I'm not joking." Immediately after, the screen faded out to black and the video was over. Soon, tens of thousands of comments started rolling in, almost all of them positive. There was the occasional, but expected, hate comment, calling her names, but Trixie didn't even care. The secret was out. She was free to love Katya in peace.</p><p>***</p><p>Later that same day, the two of them were laying on the couch, curled into each other. Katya sat up and leaned into Trixie, giving her a deep kiss. Trixie loves kissing Katya, could sit there and let their lips collide for hours. But she felt a sudden swell of lust deep in her core, and her dick began to firm up beneath Katya's ass.</p><p>"Eager aren't we?" Katya asks jokingly. Trixie moans into her, overcome with her sudden need for Katya. Katya slowly takes her shirt off, revealing her barely-there six pack. All those planks on Instagram Live had paid off after all. She carefully and deliberately peels Trixie's shirt from her body, trying to keep Trixie waiting for even longer. Trixie moans out loudly in protest, wanting Katya to move faster. However, Katya had no intention of speeding anything up. When Trixie's shirt is finally off her body, Katya chucks it across the room and slides down Trixie's body to slowly begin working on Trixie's shorts. Trixie is bucking her hips in the air, desperately wishing for something more than what Katya is giving her.</p><p>Suddenly, Katya's arms move quicker than a flash and hold down Trixie's hips so she can't move them anymore. "Did I say you could move your hips?" Katya growls. Trixie whimpers, to which Katya responds, "That's right. I didn't, so I better not see those hips anywhere other than on these sheets from now on. Got it?" Trixie quickly nods, and Katya slowly slides Trixie's shorts off. Katya gasps as she realizes Trixie's not wearing any underwear, so there's nothing to stop her dick from popping up right in front of Katya's face.</p><p>"So pretty for me..." Katya whispers out, before shaking her head to regain her composure. Katya slowly licks a strip up Trixie's dick. It takes everything Trixie has to not buck her hips wildly as she throws her head back and moans. Katya slowly pumps her hand up and down Trixie's dick, driving her lover insane. Before Trixie can even begin to think about everything that's happening in the moment, Katya is taking her entire dick in her mouth, short-circuiting Trixie's brain.</p><p>"Fuck Katya, I'm gonna..." Before Trixie can finish her sentence, she's cumming in Katya's mouth. Katya slowly pulls away and swallows, looking completely pissed. Trixie knew she had fucked up.</p><p>"Did I say you could cum baby? Hmm?" Trixie blushes and shakes her head. "What's that? Oh, I didn't say you could cum? That's what I thought. Get on your hands and knees for me baby." Trixie follows the instruction, and Katya practically drools at Trixie's pretty pink asshole, all stretched for her. Katya snaps back to attention and gets ready to punish Trixie for cumming before she was told to. She silently rolls on a condom and applies some lube, rubbing the excess on Trixie's asshole. Trixie shudders at the cool sensation. "You came before I let you baby. And now I'm going to fuck your oversensitive little asshole until I cum too." Trixie doesn't have any time to respond before Katya is pushing into her. There's no starting slow. Katya immediately begins pounding into Trixie as hard as she can, desperately chasing her high. Trixie moans, quickly becoming an oversensitive mess. "Fuck Trixie, baby, I'm so close, oh my go..." And just as soon as she gets close to the end of her sentence, she reaches her high, her release finally reaching her.</p><p>Katya slowly pulls out of Trixie and rolls off the condom, tossing it into the wastebasket in the corner of the room. Trixie rolls over to face her and the two fall asleep in each other's arms. They were finally exactly where they wanted to be.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>well guys, after months of waiting and writer's block and a completely unreliable upload schedule, i finally finished. i don't know if i'll be starting any new stories any time soon bc my life is kinda crazy rn, but i hope you all enjoyed!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey you guys! so this my first chaptered fic, i hope you've enjoyed it so far! i'm gonna try to update weekly, but it just depends on what's going on, so it might be earlier or later. anyways, comment any feedback or suggestions below!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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